manager: i'm sorry, ma'am, but that feature only applies to wamu free checking accounts.
me: but i have a free checking account.
manager: yes, ma'am, but you don't have a wamu free checking account.
me: but... um, wait... i'm confused. my checking account is with you, wamu, and it's free.
manager: yes, ma'am.
me: wouldn't that make it a wamu free checking account?
manager: no, ma'am.
me: ???